Premature ejaculation (PE) is the therapist’s term for men who ejaculate before they or their partner are ready. There is no official timing on this – no set amount of time that means you officially qualify or don’t.
So, first up, adjust your expectations. The average guy lasts around two-to-three minutes during intercourse before ejaculating. So don’t believe what you see in porn – porn sex isn’t real sex. Don’t fall for other myths either. Most men think women want intercourse to last for up to an hour. They don’t. The ideal length of time for most women is between five and thirteen minutes.
However, there are some practical things you can do to make yourself last longer.
- Use a masturbatory sleeve or ‘stroker’ during solo sex. These sleeves, usually made of silicone, slip over the penis and replicate what it feels like once penetrated. Practice holding off using one during masturbation and you’ll last longer during penetration.
- Try a delay spray. Old style delay sprays were gimmicky and didn’t work terribly well. Today’s delay sprays are high tech and much more effective.
- Wear a condom. It desensitises as well.
- Masturbate a few hours before sex. You’re likely to last longer the second time around.
- Have a few drinks. This can also increase stamina because it has a numbing effect - but don’t have too many or it will do the opposite and you’ll have problems getting or maintaining an erection!
- Try the stop-start technique. This basically means you stop any kind of penile stimulation when you start to feel too excited, wait until you’re in control again, and then continue.
Harness the desensitising powers of the condom
If none of these works for you, try ‘peaking’. This is a more sophisticated version of stop-start and gets good results. The old way of thinking was to distract yourself during sex – take your mind off it – to stop you from finishing too soon. Turns out, that didn’t work very well because when something feels really good, your brain can’t help but think about it.
What works is to do the opposite: focus intensely on how you’re feeling. That way, you’ll know your orgasm so well, you know exactly how close you are to ejaculating at any point. Most guys know what it feels like just before they orgasm. This moment is the point of no return.
What peaking does is get you to focus on the moment before this. The sensation you feel before you’re on the home run. Once you can identify that moment, you can safely let yourself get aroused to this point without tipping over the edge. Most men practise identifying this point during masturbation.